Snape's Worst Memories
by naturespirit
Summary: It seems I've made a hobby out of putting Snape through the worst situations imaginable... Have a taste of my twisted sense of humor.
1. The Love Letter

**AN:** Ok, the only thing I own is a rather strange sense of humor, so sue me if you can.

**The Love Letter**

Severus sat in a corner of the Slyterin Common Room. He was clutching tightly his Potions book, his heart beating fast. Would he finally dare to do it? He had woken up earlier than everyone that Saturday, so the Great Hall would most likely be empty. But how would that help him? He couldn't know where they were going to sit, and there was no chance of them being early for breakfast, especially on a Saturday. That lazy good for nothing Potter would definitely make sure he would arrive fashionably late, and the rest would only come if he did. Severus frowned.

Minutes crawled by, and Severus was still there, his mind on the precious piece of parchment, carefully concealed between the pages of his book. He was going to do it. He had to do it. He had kept the secret for too long. Hands trembling, he opened the Potions book again, just to make sure the piece of parchment was still there. He sighed in relief as his gaze fell on it. That was it, the big day. He had composed the letter weeks ago, and ever since he had spent every morning eyeing the Gryffindor table, wondering when and if he'll get a chance to deliver his letter. But last night he decided the waiting was over. He was going to deliver the letter, even in front of the whole school.

An hour later, noises reached him, from the boy's dormitories. Severus made a quick run to drop off his book and, carefully hiding the parchment in his robes, he made his way down to breakfast. The Hall was almost empty, except for a few overzealous Ravenclaws and a couple of sleepy looking Hufflepuffs. The food had already appeared on the table, but he couldn't swallow a thing. He just waited there, looking even more pale than usual, his gaze fixed on the Gryffindor table.

Almost another hour later, a small group made their way into the Great Hall. Lily Evans accompanied by two Gryffindor girls from her year and, as usual, right after them came James Potter, ruffling his hair, Sirius Black, the usual smile on his face, Remus Lupin, with his face buried in a book and Peter Petigrew, moving his gaze from James to Lily to Sirius, as if he expected something to happen. They all sat at their table, James immediately occupying the seat next to Lily, who decided to ignore him. Peter sat next to him, watching them both intensely. Remus and Sirius had taken the seats right in front of their two friends.

Sirius was just saying, exasperated "Seriously, Moony, do you ever do anything else BESIDES reading?" When Severus had gotten up from his seat and was walking toward their table, taking out the letter. Sweat covered his forehead and his feet seemed to tremble. He was steps away from them as Remus had retorted something about Sirius reading too little, and the fact showing on his marks, but Severus was too tense to make out exactly what he had said. Unfortunately, James noticed him before anyone else,

"Snivellus alert!" He snorted, then he noticed that the Slytherin was holding something. Not bothering to keep his voice down, he continued: "Hey, Evans, I think he wrote you a love letter!"

Pettigrew was howling with laughter, Sirius was grinning and Remus was back to his precious book.

"I fail to see what makes that your business." She snapped back, not looking at either of the two.

But Severus had stopped right behind Sirius. "Here you go, Black!" he muttered, and immediately started walking towards the exit of the Great Hall.

Surprised, the four Marauders leaned forward to read the letter. Surely, none of them were expecting what met their eyes.

_Dear Sirius,_

_I know this may come as a surprise to you, but I must confess that which has taken me 6 years to accept. I knew it the moment I laid eyes on you, and I am certain that you must have felt something too. Your feelings are clear to me, since it wasn't hard for me to realize this was the reason behind your permanent attempts to spend time with me. I know that was the real reason why you started all those fights with me, although sadly they would always end with us cursing each other._

_I hope you were not discouraged by that. I must confess, what has kept me from admitting my feelings for you was you close relationship with Potter. My jealousy has tortured me for too long, so I decided to give you this letter, with the purpose of assuring you that I fully return your feelings. Let us hide and deny the truth no longer! _

_I love you, now and forever!_

_Sincerely, Severus Snape_

Moments rolled by and the four students couldn't lift their eyes from the parchment. The first to recover his voice was Sirius.

"What the…" he muttered, throwing a quick look around, but Severus had already left the room.

"He thinks you're…" But James didn't finish his sentence, being overtaken by a roar of laughter, accompanied by Peter.

Remus still sat dumbstruck, unable to articulate a word.

Before nightfall, the whole castle was flooded with copies of the letter. Many were glued to the walls and almost every student in the school had received one…


	2. Strutting About

**Strutting About**

Just having finished lunch in the Great Hall, Severus was walking through the courtyard. His schoolbag was hanging from his left shoulder, though it wasn't as heavy as usual. It only contained the boy's Transfigurations book, some parchment, a quill and ink. He had decided to write his homework outside, so he could enjoy the beautiful weather.

Before he had decided on a spot, however, something else had caught his attention: the Marauders were huddled together, talking. James was raising his head every once in a while, to see if anyone was listening in. His gaze met Severus, they stared in each other's eyes for a moment, then James went back to the discussion.

They were obviously planning something important and James had almost dared him to find out. As usual, Severus' curiosity got the best of him. Pretending to be aimlessly wandering around, he got close enough to where the group was sitting. Sirius had his back against a tree, and that was a very good hiding place for a curious student trying to eavesdrop.

No sooner said, than done. Severus had quietly installed himself on the grass, leaning on the tree on it's other side. He pretended to focus on his essay, but in fact he was all ears. Something that he hadn't noticed, though was James poking his head into the air again and noticing the extra pair of ears that was registering everything they spoke. He had pointed a finger at the tree, his grin growing wider. Similar grins had appeared on both Sirius' and Peter's faces. Remus only allowed himself a faint smile. As it was most of the times, he didn't exactly agree with his friends' plans. And just as usual, he didn't do anything to stop them, either.

Frowning, his eyes fixed on a random point on the blank piece of parchment he was holding on his knees, Severus could hear every word the Gryffindors were speaking. It was as if they took special care to speak louder and clearer than before. Severus assumed that it was because they were careless.

"So, we're doing it tonight, right?" sounded Sirius' excited voice.

"You'll have to be very careful, you know." Remus spoke firmly. He had meant it for what they were _really_ up to.

"Chill, Moony. Filch never stopped us before." James retorted.

"Yeah, we always got out with just a detention or something. Big deal!" Sirius continued.

"You could even get expelled this time, Padfoot. This is bigger than your usual fooling about, and that's exactly why I want no part in it." Remus said, on the same grave tone.

"You're no fun!" James retorted. "You're in, right Wormtail?"

"Of course I am! So tonight, right? In the Trophy Room, right, Prongs?"

"Right." Sirius answered for him. "Make sure you're not followed and no one sees you leaving the Common Room. We'll meet there at midnight."

Remus gave a sigh.

"So, it's settled then." James got up, and the others followed his example. "Remember, this is top secret. No one – and I mean NO ONE must hear of this."

And with those words, they all made their way to the castle, leaving Severus contented, but even more curios than before. It took him only seconds to decide: he was going to see what they were up to.

The day passed quickly and, before he could realize it, Severus found himself sitting in the Common Room at 11:30 in the night, waiting for the last Slytherin to go to bed, so he could sneak out to the Trophy Room. Ten minutes later he got his wish. He decided not to wait any longer, as he watched a 7th year collect his books and head for the dormitories, leaving Severus alone in the room. He wanted to get there before them, and find a good hiding place, so he could see exactly what they were up to.

Swiftly making his way through the corridors and not running into anyone on the way, ghost, student or professor, he only stopped in front of the entrance of the Trophy Room. He pressed his ear against the door, trying to hear if there was anyone there or not. It seemed they hadn't made it yet. Relieved, he opened the door. Before he could take another step, someone from behind the door yelled "_Petrificus Totalus_!" and Severus fell to the ground, flat on his face, unable to move a muscle.

He felt hands turning him face up and his terrified gaze met the triumphant looks on James', Sirius' and Peter's faces.

"That'll teach you to mind your own business!" Laughed Sirius.

Severus was boiling on the inside. It had been a trap. And he fell for it. Just as he thought things couldn't get worse, he realized how very wrong he was. Actually, things were going to get much, much worse. To his own horror, the trio stripped him of his robes, leaving him only in his grayish knickers. They placed him next to a case that contained a good number of sparckling trophies, leaned against the wall so he wouldn't fall down, and stuck his robes to the wall around him with a clever charm, so that he now looked like a wax figure on display.

Howling with laughter, James, Sirius and Peter exited the Trophy Room, leaving Snape to be found by Filch or, if he was particularly unlucky and the charm would hold long enough, by some students that would pass through there on their way to class.

**AN: **Ok, I know it's shorter and not so funny as the first, but I promise to do better in the future! Please Review!


	3. James and the Giant Squid

**James and the Giant Squid**

_(Otherwise known as Severus' attempt at revenge)_

One beautiful spring Sunday morning, the Marauders had taken their usual place in the courtyard. Severus' anger hadn't passed for a week, since Filch had found him in the Trophy Room. Eyes narrowed with hatred and the right hand fermly holding his wand, Severus was walking aimlessly across the courtyard, hoping he would get a chance to do something. He had to get his revenge, and he didn't care how much trouble he'd get into because of it.

And yet, Severus didn't get his wish. Everything was peaceful. Small groups of students were sitting here and there on the grass, enjoying the good weather. Even the Giant Squid was poking out of the water for a bit of sunlight.

But then, a particular group of girls made their way into the courtyard. And that which made the group so special was a young witch, that went by the name of Lily Evans. Severus watched as they walked towards the lake and settled close to it, on the soft grass. As expected, the Marauders had noticed them too. James was now talking and laughing louder than ever.

Feeling that he might get a chance to do something, Severus quietly made his way closer to the scene. As he was getting nearer, James stood up, and began to juggle empty butterbeer bottles, walking backwardly and laughing. Many students had turned to watch him and were clapping loudly. Lily ignored the scene, preferring to talk to her friends, rather than join the crowd that was cheering for James and that was lead by Peter.

Severus was now only a few feet away from Lily's group and was eyeing James intensely. The latter was standing on the edge of the lake. Two more steps, and he would have fallen in. Slowly, as if he was trying to savour the moment, Severus aimed his wand at James. Three things happened in the same time.

Sirius had only just noticed him, and raised his own wand, shouting over his shoulder "Watch out, Prongs!". A curse had left from the tip of his wand, and hit Severus, but not before the latter had managed to send hid own curse flying in James' direction.

James had dropped the bottles and ducked right in time, Severus fell flat on his face, unable to move a muscle because of Sirius' well aimed _Petrificus Totalus_ and the Giant Squid began shaking uncontrollably moving his tentacles in a threatening way, as a response to Severus' _Rictusempra_ that had missed its target and hit the creature instead.

There was a moment of total chaos. All the students that were too close to the lake quickly scrambled up from the ground and ran as far away as they could, because the Giant Squid was now running his tentacles over the grass, dragging everything he could find into the water. James, who had quickly departed the danger area was now roaring with laughter at the frightened first years who were running right passed him, without realizing that they were safe at that distance.

In the commotion, the Marauders lost sight of Snape, who was now getting up from the ground, since the effects of the curse had passed. Unfortunately, since a rather big part of the courtyard had now been emptied, it didn't take long for James to see him.

"Wanted to curse me when I wasn't paying attention, eh?" He yelled, and with a flick of the wand, Severus was up in the air, suspended by the ankle. Another charm, this time _Expelliarmus_, coming from Sirius made Snape's wand fly out of his hand and hit the Giant Squid right in the eye.

Angry and still confused because of the curse who had just worn off, the monster sank back in the depths of the water, causing waves that pushed the wand to float even farther away from land. Severus was boiling with anger.

"You'll pay for a new wand if it don't get that one back!" He hissed at Sirius, with the utmost hate sparkling in his eyes.

"Oh, you want your wand, do you?" Padfoot replied mockingly. "Let him go get it, Prongs." He spoke, grinning broadly.

"My pleasure, mate." James replied, grinning back.

And with a swing of the wand, he sent Severus flying right into the lake. The students that had stayed behind to watch the scene were now laughing loudly and pointing at Severus who was trying to untangle himself from the robes and keep his head above the water at the same time.

"How's the water?" James yelled in his direction, laughing along with the others.

"Hey, Snivellus, I never knew you could swim!" Sirius called out, and started walking back to the castle along with his friends.

After a moment of pause, Peter turned around and shouted "Don't forget to write!", then joined his friends, looking very proud of himself.

Remus was walking a bit behind them. He wasn't even smiling.

**AN: **Now, I'm not sure that squids have eyes so they can be hit with wands in them, but just humor me, ok? Hope you liked this and please review!


End file.
